


Overdue

by sgtfarron



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Falling for your best friend is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22066597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtfarron/pseuds/sgtfarron
Summary: “I just thought -” Jester cuts herself off before she can complete her sentence, her tail flicks side to side quickly – a tell that you have picked up on to mean she is about to switch course, turn on a dime, avoid whatever murky ground she was about to tread on. A smile, “Is there anything I can get for you?”
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	Overdue

“Beau.” Jester’s voice breaks your concentration. You shake your head. Its been a long day. Tired. You force a smile.

“Hey, Jes.” Its easy, responding in kind. Jester has a way of bringing that out in you.

“Are you okay? You were making a face.” Jester’s face falls into a hard stare before bouncing back to her usual soft smile, causing a small laugh to bubble up.

“Ye-Yeah, I’m okay.” After a pause, “I’m always making a face. It’s kind of my ‘thing’,” You put your hands up, making air quotes, trying to brush it aside.

“Maybe, but not with me!” Jester is too much suddenly, reminding you that it was just the two of you now in your shared room. The others had gone out to check on what was available to them in this small village. You and Jester had stayed back at the inn. You were surprised to find one here, given how sparse it had appeared upon arrival. It would be be surprising if the others had come back with anything of note. You understand why they went out though – Everyone was desperate for supplies after that last fight. But all it did for you is remind you of how tired you felt; why you stayed back.

“I’m sorry. I guess I am just not one hundred percent after that last fight.” It had been a few days, a few healing spells in between, but you still had an ache in your neck where that blade went through that had yet to subsided.

“Oh.” Jester’s face fell. You didn’t like that. Every time you said something that caused it, it tugged at your stomach in ways that caused a regret that you were still trying to adjust to. “I’m sorry too, Beau. I should have gone with the others. You seemed like you wanted to sleep but here I am, keeping you awake.”

You pause. Maybe a beat too long because Jester turns towards the door.

“N-No! Jester, It’s okay – really.” You feel the fondness you feel towards her rising, your heartbeat thudding a few beats faster.

“I just thought -” Jester cuts herself off before she can complete her sentence, her tail flicks side to side quickly – a tell that you have picked up on to mean she is about to switch course, turn on a dime, avoid whatever murky ground she was about to tread on. A smile, “Is there anything I can get for you?”

Things had been hard, for a while now. Your heartbeat falls back to an even tempo as you swallow, reminding yourself that you couldn’t let yourself get caught up in things like the ‘what ifs’ that Nott had purposed all those months ago. You let the moment pass.

“It’s okay Jessie, I think I just need to rest a little, you know? Nothing like a good old fashioned nap,” You make an over exaggerated stretch before leaning back and resting on the bed.

Jester opens the door, “Okay, Beau! I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Before you could say anything Jester had already beamed at you and slipped out the door, closing it gently as she went.

* * *

Later that night you are sat at a small table in the inn with Caleb and Fjord. Nott and Jester were currently talking with the small two man band who had been playing in the Inn, throwing a few silver in the small bowl at their feet as they spoke. Yasha and Caducesus were at the small table next to you, having a quiet conversation.

You hadn’t been lying to Jester earlier, per say. You were tired and you did sleep the afternoon away although this was very uncharacteristic of you. The years you spent at the monastery drilled into you that you rise with the sun and you do not rest until nights end; naps were not in your vocabulary. But – you think – almost dying has a way of changing ones mind about such things.

Dying. You turn it over and over in your mind. You died. Almost for good. Again. You try to shake it off but while your party has inevitably become stronger, part of you is having a harder time than usual steeling yourself against the inherent vulnerability of being human, with no magic to speak of.

You reach up and rub your hand over the fresh scar at your neck roughly before throwing back your tankard and downing the last of it on one go before standing.

“I am headed to bed, g’night,” You glance at Fjord and Caleb briefly before turning towards the stairs and making your way towards your room. You caught a slightly quizzical look from Fjord, but Caleb just nodded, too understanding. You choose to ignore it.

* * *

You were laying in bed for only a short time before you hear the door open slowly. You know it’s Jester and you try to stay still, pretend to the best of your ability that you were asleep.

Jester doesn’t fall for it, though she pretends too briefly, slipping into the room without a word and sitting on her bed. You are grateful in this moment that you had laid faced away from her bed so your back was to her now.

Another few minutes passed before she whispers, “Beau..?”

You want to respond, but you are torn, not wanting to break the illusion that you are asleep. You almost think she is buying it, or at least will pretend to, until she whispers again, “Beau… I – I’m sorry.” It makes you almost flinch. Why would she be apologizing?

You start to turn over, “Hey, Jessie – What are you apologizing for?” You force a smile. You are tired. When did you get so tired?

Jester for her part just looks at you. Seems to see through you. You want to ignore it.

“I feel like I’ve been hearing that a lot.” Sitting up, “Look – You really don’t need to, everything is okay, okay?”

A beat.

“I feel like I’ve been hearing that a lot,” Jester replies. Not harsh, or accusatory, just mater of fact and a little sad.

You are not sure where to go from here. Your fondness for her wants to have you reach out, find some way to ease her mind that isn’t just the same reel of a conversation you have been on for a few months. You want to, but you can’t. You can’t explain why it’s okay, why you want her to stop apologizing, why you would jump in front of her time and time again, and why she _does not need to apologize_ that you saved her life, again.

Instead, without thinking your hand reaches up and rubs against the scar on your neck.

Jester does not miss this. She flinches, guilt suddenly appears unmasked on her face, and your stomach sinks. She bites her lip, looking down and away.

You stand quickly, taking two steps before stopping. Your hand reaches out briefly before you let it fall to your side, clenched. You turn your head towards the window, trying again steady your heartbeat that has suddenly skyrocketed again. Your face feels flush, head light as you try to keep your emotions from showing on your face.

“Jester…?” There is no response. The silence hangs heavy. You have been dancing around this for so long, the murky, untread ground between you. One step forward and two back, three to the side, and neither of you has been willing to leap. Jester doesn’t know what she would be stepping into, you think. It is your feelings, it should be you who takes responsibility and just deals with it.

Yet you hesitate still, looking out the window at the bright night, moon full and casting long shadows between the buildings below. A coward. When did you become so afraid? The though causes anger to stir in your gut. Tired? You could deal with. Comes with the job. But fear? Fuck that. Your grit your teeth, take a breath, but whisper again, just as soft, “Jester?”

You feel eyes on you now. You bite your cheek willing yourself to look towards her. Jester is still sat on her bed, her hands on either side of her clenched and worrying the blankets between her fingers, but her face was turned towards you, head tilted slightly to the side. There is a shine in her eyes, like she was holding back tears. That's new.

You’ve seen her cry, but you’ve never made her cry before.

“Hey, Hey – Don’t cry, Jester – ” You take a quick step forward. It comes out more gruff than you intended, but she doesn’t flinch. She does let a tear slide out though which make you feel like you have said the wrong thing. Again.

This is beyond anything you have ever dealt with. You have never met another being in this world that has caused you to feel so much, to worry that you could be doing the wrong thing. Again. You though you left such cares behind in Kahmorda, another life time ago.

Jester just smiles, through her tears, and you don’t understand.

Your find a surge of courage, wanting to stop the tears, and you step close, kneeling in front of her.

“I know we keep saying this – but please, It’s okay, really. I promise, I would do it in a heartbeat, I swear. We have each other's backs, I’ve got you, always,” It’s more than you wanted to say, as you bite your tongue. You wanted to couch it fully in the language of the _team_ , that they all had each other, but somehow that didn’t feel good enough.

“Oh, Beau...” The way Jester says it steals your breath for a moment. She tries to look you in the eye, but you glance away.

She hesitates, “Is it okay if I...”

You look back and you can see that her eyes are looking down, but still squarely on your face. Your face flushes again.

“Jester..?” You let out, barley audible.

You then feel soft lips on yours, gentle, unsure. You hesitate for a moment before leaning in, trying to ingrain the memory in your mind.

She pulls back then, but only far enough to rest her forehead against yours. Your eyes had closed at some point and now you don’t wish to open them, worried that the moment will be over and that will be it.

“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes,” You feel the warmth of Jester’s breath on your lips as she speaks, reminding you that that wasn’t just a dream, that she was in front of you and that she wasn’t excusing herself out of the room in an awkward flourish, like you had imagined so many times.

You let yourself take a deep breath before speaking, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You open your eyes at this. “I am still trying to figure it out too,” She whispers like a secret, before the slightest hint of a smile starts at the corner of her lips. Her hand comes up to rest by your neck, a thumb gently tracing over the scar there. “You need to be more careful,” She is whispering still, keeping her voice low as to not disturb the quite of the room although she was shifting the topic. Before you can stop her, or pull away she continues, “I mean it. I know you took this hit for me but… I _need_ you to be more careful, okay?”

You want to tell her to stop apologizing, again, since in her own way that's what she was doing. Again. But you just nod, agreeing, but knowing that if it came down to it you would do it again, in a heartbeat.

You think she understands when she leans in for a quick peck before pulling back and sitting up fully.

“Will you lay with me? It is _quite_ cold in this room and I could do for a little extra warmth tonight,” She says playfully an arm sweeping over the small bed. They had shared a bed roll on many a cold night on the road, but usually had their own beds when staying at inns. You shake your head slightly, letting the ease that Jester always summons in you come through.

“Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I should continue. Its been a few years and I'm rusty as hell. Besides, I know most people do not like second person. Feel free to let me know!


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